A realisation

Nothing profound, but sitting at my desk today, I realised that when I’m in pain, my anxiety flares up too. It’s like, “Oh, you’re sore – let me help you with some ruminating thoughts of impending doom.”

I am sore because on Monday on my run, I fell over a tree root, scraped my hand, elbow and knee and landed heavily onto my ribs on my left hand side. All the wind was knocked out of me and it took me a while to get back up again. I carried on running, as you do when you’re full of coursing adrenaline, got back to the office and scrubbed my hand clean.

I know that the adrenaline was flowing happily; because I can remember looking down as I scrubbed the dirt and grit out my hand, that it should be hurting more than it was. I got some ibuprofen at the chemists and carried on with my day.

On Tuesday, I could barely move when my alarm went off, so I booked a doctors appointment. I was given a tetanus jab and sent off for x-rays. I was also prescribed some really strong anti-inflammatories. The x-rays have come back clear, thank goodness, and I slept for the afternoon after the injection.

We’re now on Thursday and my mood has slipped away from me. I’m full of woe. Also, my side is feeling more sore than yesterday, the pain relief isn’t helping as much, I’m heading back to the doctors later to see if I can get anything else to help.

All I want is to be fit and healthy to keep up with Archie. It’s not like I want to climb mountains or set the world on fire. Last year, I broke my foot and it took months to recover. After the move here, I fall over twice in three weeks.

The first time was in Woolworths (other supermarkets are available). I was so happy, literally in the nanosecond of that thought – I was grinning internally and feeling peaceful; WHAM I slip on a wet floor where the roof was leaking.

See what I mean about ruminating thoughts?

I try so hard to not be my thoughts, I try so hard not to believe them. But I’ve lived with the voice inside my head for so long, it feels familiar.

Walking and exercising in general are a great mood leveller for me, I’d take myself off for a stroll around the lake if I could. But as I got stuck getting off the couch last night, that’s not happening soon.

It’s maddening.

Blue skies and fluffy white clouds

I went for a walk today. Nothing unusual in that as I go for a walk every week with J, a lady I work with. We met on an Emotional Intelligence course. Since then, every Friday,  we’ve met up at lunchtime and power walked on the hills around the office.

What was unusual is how strong I felt, it finally felt like I was getting my fitness back! I was charging up the hills, I only had to stop once, that was more because I was talking over the hill itself. My legs were proudly carrying me round, and quickly too.

It’s been very odd weather in Melbourne the past few weeks. We’re getting broiling hot days, followed by a day or two of wet weather. When I say wet, I mean it. Geelong was flooded, after getting a huge amount of rain in about an hour. The veggie garden is going crazy, but it’s not conducive to a regular running routine I can tell you. (I really need to get another pair of shoes, but having had to go shopping for jeans last week, I’m not up to shoe shopping yet).

Anyhoo, today it was lovely weather, we put our sunscreen on and enjoyed the sun. We walked along by the river for most of our almost 4.5km. The blinds have been up all afternoon at work, as the sky was picture perfect.

I’ve had a great back-end to the week, I have much more energy than I did at the beginning, so I do think the virus that caused Peanut’s croup made a visit to me. Am looking forward to the weekend, I’ve got high-tea tomorrow at The Windsor Hotel with 11 friends and family. A real mixture from mothers’ group, colleagues and ex-colleagues. I tried on dresses last night, I’m going to try and find a new one tonight if I can. Nothing like leaving it to the last minute!

One of the cars has a flat battery. I called Hubs to come and get me yesterday from work, he told Peanut that they had to go and ‘save me’, Peanut was very proud he was able to help save his Mama. Replacing the battery is a job that wasn’t expected to be added to the weekend list, but we’ll manage.

One job that was expected was the collection of a rabbit/ chicken coop. How excitement! We’ve wanted chickens for years, so we’re looking forward to sorting that project out. As we’re going away in May, we may wait until we get back before we actually get the birds though.


Ten On Tuesday – Pleasures edition

Carole has asked for Ten Guilty Pleasures this week.

Can I just say, that anything that gives you pleasure should not have any connotations of ‘guilty’ around it? All day long I listen to women discussing food, what they’ve been good with, what they’ve been naughty over, what they should and shouldn’t eat. If they do eat too much, what exercise should they then do to compensate for it. I’m a little bit over people punishing themselves for eating or drinking something they enjoy I can tell you.

I digress and am verging on a rant too. Here are ten things I take great joy in:

1. Lazy weekend mornings; these are so rare with a three and a half year old boy in the house, whenever we can get one it is to be savoured. I love reading the papers, drinking my tea, not rushing over breakfast, not clock watching having to keep an eye on the time to get to where we’re going on time.

2. Reading in bed; I cannot tell you how much I love retreating to my bed to read. The second house we lived in in Australia had a balcony off the main bedroom, I could open the door, take a pot of tea upstairs and read with daylight and fresh air coming in, snoozing should I feel so inclined. I love reading full stop, but particularly propped up on pillows, with a cat nearby, is just bliss.

3. Walking; I love walking, preferably somewhere green; but when I want to clear my head, I’ll drive to Luna Park and walk to Port Melbourne, have a cup of tea and walk back, all up about 10km by Port Phillip Bay. I’m proud that Peanut walks alongside us, not wanting to be picked up and carried, when we go to the zoo, we can often cover 4-5km looking at all the animals, he doesn’t complain once, just carries on happily, then falls asleep before we’re out the car park!

4. Running; Let me caveat this. I am not sure I like running, but I like the feeling when it’s over. Does that count?

5. Uninterrupted sleeping; see number 1. As any parent will tell you, you’re permanently tired. Talking with a colleague at work yesterday whose daughter started school this week, she was following a discussion on Facebook about other families bed-time routines. Most of the families that commentated said they eat dinner anywhere from 4:30 – 5:30 pm, with their children heading -to bed at 7:00pm. As we both work until 5pm, and both of us try to eat dinner as a family, we thought that eating at 4:30pm was – well, odd for one thing, and secondly impossible for us to achieve. We both aim to get our children to bed as close to 7:30pm as we can, but last night it was 8:30pm before Peanut settled, he had one of those fighting it to the last second nights. Dropping Peanut at nursery on Monday this week, I watched a lady in full make-up serenely taking her three children in the door. I’d just about managed a shower and got dressed. While I know there will be days when she’s sporting yesterday’s mascara and bed-head, while I’m in a co-ordinated outfit, this week I am running on empty and it’s only Wednesday.

6. Going to the cinema on my own; if you’ve not done this yet, can I please urge you to try it? I love being able to watch what I want to watch, I don’t have to share my popcorn (if I want any, but most often I don’t), I know I will adhere to the Wittertainment Code of Conduct and most importantly, I don’t have to worry about my companion not enjoying the film. It’s all about me.

7. A good roast dinner; not much to ask for, I know, but it’s one of my most favourite things. When I found a recipe for gluten free Yorkshire puddings to have with my roast beef, the mouthful of beef, pudding, gravy and horseradish sauce made me weep.

8. Red wine; I’d be tee-total except for this. And Hendricks Gin.

9. A deep tissue massage; alas I’ve moved away from my favourite massage therapist who took such wonderful care of me when I was pregnant. My osteo now does a bit of massage as part of any treatment, but I love a good pummelling.

10. A decent pot of tea; again not much to ask for, but sometimes impossible to get.

There we have it, I’m a woman of simple tastes!