A realisation

Nothing profound, but sitting at my desk today, I realised that when I’m in pain, my anxiety flares up too. It’s like, “Oh, you’re sore – let me help you with some ruminating thoughts of impending doom.”

I am sore because on Monday on my run, I fell over a tree root, scraped my hand, elbow and knee and landed heavily onto my ribs on my left hand side. All the wind was knocked out of me and it took me a while to get back up again. I carried on running, as you do when you’re full of coursing adrenaline, got back to the office and scrubbed my hand clean.

I know that the adrenaline was flowing happily; because I can remember looking down as I scrubbed the dirt and grit out my hand, that it should be hurting more than it was. I got some ibuprofen at the chemists and carried on with my day.

On Tuesday, I could barely move when my alarm went off, so I booked a doctors appointment. I was given a tetanus jab and sent off for x-rays. I was also prescribed some really strong anti-inflammatories. The x-rays have come back clear, thank goodness, and I slept for the afternoon after the injection.

We’re now on Thursday and my mood has slipped away from me. I’m full of woe. Also, my side is feeling more sore than yesterday, the pain relief isn’t helping as much, I’m heading back to the doctors later to see if I can get anything else to help.

All I want is to be fit and healthy to keep up with Archie. It’s not like I want to climb mountains or set the world on fire. Last year, I broke my foot and it took months to recover. After the move here, I fall over twice in three weeks.

The first time was in Woolworths (other supermarkets are available). I was so happy, literally in the nanosecond of that thought – I was grinning internally and feeling peaceful; WHAM I slip on a wet floor where the roof was leaking.

See what I mean about ruminating thoughts?

I try so hard to not be my thoughts, I try so hard not to believe them. But I’ve lived with the voice inside my head for so long, it feels familiar.

Walking and exercising in general are a great mood leveller for me, I’d take myself off for a stroll around the lake if I could. But as I got stuck getting off the couch last night, that’s not happening soon.

It’s maddening.

It’s a start

I ran at lunchtime today. For the first time since I damaged my knee at the beginning of November. I saw my osteopath before Christmas and was given the go-ahead to exercise again. But then I had to get over my sinus infection before I could do anything at all. I wanted to get straight back into Bikram Yoga, but as they’re kindly holding over my monthly pass, it doesn’t make sense to start that up until the schedule returns to normal.

Last night I packed up my gym kit, and thought about starting the C25K program all over again. Reasoning that I didn’t to go quite back to scratch I decided to just walk/run/walk/run and see how I went. I didn’t want to go too mad, so was aiming for 20 minutes and I made it.

I’m so pleased, my knee did not hurt, I felt strong, although a bit puffed out through lack of doing anything and being congested for over a month. My running buddy will be pleased too, so I’m off to look up some 10km runs through the year.

Mid-year resolutions

This week, the first in July, will set the tone for the rest of the year for me. I’ve got a week off between jobs, time to close the book on one and look at the cover on another.

Yesterday, despite my bed being just the right temperature and it being bitterly cold outside, I got dressed in my work out gear, already laid out, had breakfast with Peanut and trundled off to St Kilda to park at Luna Park. I then walked to Port Melbourne, had a $4 tea bag and walked back again. A 10.18km walk, or 6 and a bit miles in old money.

My sole purpose was to clear my head, and boy did it do that. I didn’t think about anything. I looked at the birds, the bike riders, the one crazy person going for a swim in the bay, greeted most people I walked past and blew the cobwebs away. By the time I was halfway home, I’d found the reading nook in the house I’d been looking for. I’d decided to take things off my phone, like Twitter, Facebook and emails. It was a very productive two hours.

Although I now ache in my hips and had to buy some insoles in my trainers as my feet were on fire after not doing any exercise for so long. The man in the shop wanted to sell me some new shoes, I said no thank you, just insoles please. I’m going to look at the two leisure centres I can join at a discounted rate, and choose one. Although I think I’ll go to the one with the pool, if it has a dry-side and classes running too. Then I’ll get the best of all worlds. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this running lark, certainly not starting it in the middle of winter anyway. Hubs course next semester has changed from Monday and Wednesday nights to Tuesday and Thursday, so we’re going to swap days that we collect the wee man.

The rough plan is that I’ll take him in every day, with walking him in at least once a week, need to buy some high-visibility reflective clothing before I do that though, it being still darkish when we would need to leave. I can then also drop him in earlier than ‘normal’ a couple of days a week, so I can exercise before work, and on the days that Hubs collects him, I can run off and do a class or have a swim and then come home.

But for the rest of this week? Well, the study and kitchen are getting hit. In fact, as soon as this blog is posted, pretty much everything in the study is coming out, being evaluated and then some of it will be going back in again, but not all of it.

For those that missed it, I’ve taken emails off my phone, so I will be hopping on every couple of days to read and respond, if you need an urgent answer, call me. It’s much more fun anyway. As for Twitter and Facebook, I’m wavering over Twitter, do I really need it? Is it enhancing my life, it was, but I don’t know if it is now. But we’ll see, Facebook I was persuaded back onto, and judging by the response to Peanut’s birthday album of photos, it was a good call. I’ll let y’all know what’s happening. But basically if you’re wanting to keep in touch with me (particularly this week) please drop me a text or call me. That’s what I’ll be doing.