I re-shared the speech I gave for Erika’s funeral two years ago today on the Facebook. I don’t know if I need to do that every anniversary of it, but it felt right, so I did.

I think that is all we have, if it feels right – do it.

Many of my friends and family are struggling, and like many others, Hubs and I feel overwhelmed, what with one thing and another. After beating myself up, berating myself for being firmly stuck and unable to move on tasks, I realised that I needed to up the self-care a notch. While I’ve been getting back into walking (follow me on Strava and let me know where you are hiding on there so I can cheer you on) and ran on the treadmill this week, as it is freezing cold here in Ballarat, I also increased my meds this week to 150mg.

I’d been saving increasing them for something, but then lying there with insomnia the other night I gave myself a talking to as I realised I needed the extra support now.

Honestly, mental health is a juggling act at the best of times, and this really is not the best of times.

I don’t know if you know what is going on in Australia, but we’re struggling with the Delta variant. All the states and territories (bar NSW) work on the lock-down method, you know – the one that has worked all over the world. Stop people moving around, so the track and trace can catch up and we can wind the little pockets of infection and infectious people down. If you can stay home, you must, work from home where possible, don’t go more than 5km from home, only leaving for grocery shopping, essentials like GP appointments, prescriptions, testing. That kind of thing.

NSW decided that they didn’t need to do that, they could manage it by just doing track and trace and requesting people stop moving around. Consequently, the rest of the country have been watching the news with people not wearing masks while shopping for essentials like Gucci and Louis Vuitton bags, with department stores open and mixed messages across different local government areas, not surprisingly, the outbreak has gotten bigger than Ben Hur, is fast moving through NSW and has led to people who were infectious travelling into South Australia, Victoria, Queensland – it is maddening.

New Zealand have re-closed the border unless you complete quarantine, the states and territories are furious that NSW are still not imposing a hard lock-down and the Liberal (Conservative politicians) are unrepentant that they’re managing it.

The latest update is apparently the only way out is to vaccinate everyone, so can NSW have other states vaccination doses? Unsurprisingly, Murdoch’s media is fanning the flames of discontent, giving airtime to right-wing commentators. One of which still maintains this week that the Victorian lockdown is causing more deaths than the Delta variant will.

I get it. We’re all over it.

But all this infighting and arguing at the second-tier level of government is not helping. It took several strongly worded articles this week to get the Prime Minister out of hiding and taking responsibility for the woeful ‘stroll out’ of vaccinations. Another round of strongly worded articles for him to apologise and we’re still no closer to understanding WTF is going on.

My appointment for my first vaccination was supposed to have been on 5 July, I hadn’t received an email confirming it, so I called at the end of June to be told that I’d missed it. I had been booked in on 21 June, in Melbourne. When I asked why I would be booked in for something two hours away and on a date I didn’t have in my diary, the person on the end of the phone had no answers for me. Not only can I remember the phone call I had booking it in, also I’ve still got the notes in my diary.

Le sigh.

I’m trying to be stoic, trying not to get caught up in it all, but I support the leadership team at a Trans-Tasman company. Consequently, there’s emails flying around all over the place about exposure sites. The pandemic plans must be updated every time there is a change to policy in a state or territory. I spend a lot of my time packing up PPE and disinfecting supplies to send out to our staff. Whether I like it or not, I’m fully up-to-date with the news cycle.

Even if I’m in a funk at the moment, I’m trying to get myself away from my desk every day to exercise. I make my bed every day and I’m remembering that I’m human. I can’t do everything, but I can do the next right thing.

On this day when I started it off by thinking about Erika, I know she would want us to take care of each other. My next right thing is to check in on my friends and family. But if you don’t have the headspace to reply, that is ok; but when you do, check in on me.

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