Buying replacement jewellery last night was hard. Not least because how do you replace 40-odd years’ worth in one shopping trip? Short answer – you can’t. I had found a ring I had liked online; wanting to wear the majority of the dollar value we’d been given by the insurance company instead of leaving it in the house. After trying one on against my engagement and wedding rings, they’re ordering it in as they didn’t have my size in stock. I then was asked what else I wanted to look at.
I explained that I wore silver or white gold jewellery more than anything else. I explained how I layered the bracelets I’d had, that I rotated the Tiffany necklaces with my 40th present from brother and sister in law. That at the very least, I wanted a bracelet to wear to work, I felt connected with people who’d given me the jewellery when I wore it.
I looked at bracelet after bracelet. I couldn’t find one that looked like what I’d been given by my brother for my 40th – why that one especially? Because of all the people I need to hang out with to nut this sh!t-heap out, it’s him. I could feel myself getting weepy, and again now. Oooof.
I knew I’d be anxious about this particular shopping trip. While I didn’t ‘talk it in’ I spoke to Hubs and said that I was a bit worried about it. I don’t think he understood why; which I totally get. Because as far as he’s concerned in a practical way, the insurance company have been helpful, generous and sympathetic ergo why was I worrying? How do you replace memories? The Mac going AWOL is a PITA, but it’s a computer, a thing – and annoying as it was to lose it, we’ve found around 80% of the stuff that was on there.
Collecting silver charms for my bracelet was difficult, for a long time there weren’t many around, it was gold charms, or nothing. Mum and I persevered. Others were given to me by people no longer here, friends had found some, I brought others, a lifetime of love bundled up in a hunk of metal. But it was my hunk of metal, it meant something to me. It meant a lot to me, all of it did.
Which is exactly what Marie Kondo asks you to think about when organising your home, ‘Spark Joy’ is her mantra. Does what you have at home, what you surround yourself with lift you up? Does it remind you of a good time? Make you grin every time you look at something? Or does it grimly remind you that you’re stronger and a better person because you’ve worked through? If you look at an item with dread, it shouldn’t be sharing your space with you.
The ladies in the jewellery store last night, were fabulous. The three of them listened to our story, talked about what we wanted, chatted with Peanut and brought me tissues when I wept all over a tray of bracelets. Paralysed with indecision and fear of replacing something that can’t be replaced. I chose two bracelets, one I’m wearing now is very simple. A smooth cylinder, almost like an identity bracelet, with a chain at each end. The clasp moves up the chains to hold it securely against you, the ends of the bracelet have love hearts, the clasp is a tree.