A clearer head

Apologies for neglecting my blog over the past month, I have not been in the headspace or had the time to sit down and write to you all. Our little family has been going through a tough time, not illness, no need to worry about that, we’re all fine, but a hummock of life we needed to climb over. We’re still at the top of the hill, but at least we can see where we are going now, rather than looking up at the cliff face wondering what the heck we are going to do.

Last week in Emotional Intelligence training, I got a bit emotional. We were looking at the golden circle:

I got asked what was my ‘Why?’ I couldn’t answer, (for a multitude of reasons), and broke open. The last month pretty much flooded out of me, I gave myself a stonking headache that lasted two days, on Friday I cried all over my osteopath as she worked on me (again, poor thing); but from it all I took myself to bed early two nights on the trot, read a bit of my book club book instead of looking at crap online, had a long conversation with Hubs and played with my son. I also drank rather a lot of red wine, ate some pizza and watched Shawshank Redemption to celebrate its 20th birthday.

To compliment my gentle about-face from clenched jaw to a somewhat slightly less frazzled personage, we went for a walk on Saturday morning. Melbourne’s shitty winter weather finally gave way to a couple of nice days, we got washing out on the line and had doors and windows open to let air through the house. Peanut wore his welly boots, trampled through muddy puddles, Hubs and I walked together across a paddock and found a model aircraft club. We were made very welcome, we watched the planes flying, chatted to some of the members and I caught a glimpse of an expensive hobby beginning.

Saturday afternoon, I vacuumed the living room, which isn’t exciting really, but I pulled all the furniture out, rearranged it a little bit when I put it back together again and felt much better. I tidied up, pottered about the house filling a charity bag as I went, and as the muddle that was left after a busy and fraught week slowly cleared, so did my mind. Sunday I did all my ironing, (I’ve not found the bottom of my ironing basket in a while), when I hung up my clothes, I also put four outfits together for the week. I got my lunch ready, cut up my crudités and fruit, I put an alarm on so I could get up and meditate. But then spent all night dreaming I’d overslept, I had huge, wide-ranging dreams, when the boys had got up, I plugged my headphones in and did an abbreviated version of the mediation I wanted to do, but was still better than nothing.

From Wednesday to Monday, so much has lifted and shifted and about blooming time too. I’m working on not drinking so much, I’ve brought my exercise kit to work and am going for a walk at lunchtime, I might even run a bit to test out my knee.

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