But I have to!

We had bounced our weekend away to this past Sunday night as we had Monday off; 26 January is Australia Day, the day the first fleet arrived. I’m not using this post to discuss the ins and outs and pros and cons of the public holiday.

My weekend started on Friday with my trip to Thornbury to see Amanda Palmer, Neil Gaiman her husband was there too and also read from her book. The evening had got off to a great start as she retweeted my tweet saying ‘I’m dosing up on codeine and wearing a heat pad, not going to miss this!’ She (and he) sung a couple of songs and then settled in for a long signing session. I’d inadvertently got fairly near the front of the queue, still didn’t stop people shoving and pushing around us all. I was behind one girl, rammed up against her by people behind me, she ended up about 10 people in front of me. Never mind, when it was my turn I handed Amanda my book, she noted all the turned down pages and flicked through the scribbles I’d made. I explained that the book had got me through the past week, I explained about Peanut and his seizure and thanked her. She asked how old he was, how he was, I said that he was fine, we were waiting for tests and then said ‘I’m a bit late the Amanda F****** Palmer phenomenon, I’ve only just found you. But I wish I’d found you earlier’ She held my hand and said ‘Sometimes we just take what we can get, when we can get it.’

I got home after midnight, closer to 1am, I drove home in silence, processing the week. Still thinking various thank you’s to various people. Still thinking I’m here, I’m not anywhere else. Still inside. I cannot remember ever feeling like this before. It’s like all the books I’ve read have suddenly lined up and gone ‘See I told you’. As Eckhart Tolle says:

In awakened doing, there is complete internal alignment with the present moment and whatever you are doing right now.

After having that huge shift in me a combination of Peanut, Amanda Palmer and general disquiet, on the Saturday night I then took myself to the last IMAX showing of Interstellar. Hubs was adamant that I had to see it on the IMAX screen before it gets closes for the refit (he’s the Project Manager for the refit, talk about a dream job). I’ve never been to a film showing where it was completely silent at the end of the film before. The credits rolled and we filed out in silence.

I’m hanging out to get the DVD and wishing I’d had a chance to see it earlier so I could have seen it again on the IMAX, dammit. As a spectacle, you couldn’t really beat it. The story line may be a bit clunky at times with the dialogue not always great, but experiencing the film on a huge screen with a great sound system was an experience in itself.

Again, I drove home in silence thinking about things. Life. Stillness. The universe. My thoughts swirling around in my head, not forming any pattern or cohesive stream, but I just let them wander in and wander out again.

Sunday morning we headed off to our first swimming lesson of the year, I spoke to Peanut’s teacher and the lesson coordinator about the seizure. We sat and watched him bounce about in the water, putting his head under and kicking like mad, just in joyful glee of swimming. Toddlers teach us so much about being here and now, his latest thing is to say ‘But I have to!’ with the emphasis on ‘have’. Where he’s picked it up from we don’t know, but it’s hilarious when it’s wailed in relation to chocolate milkshakes as it was yesterday (which was Thursday as I’ve not had a chance to finish this post until now).

We had lunch with my cousin and her husband, Peanut’s Manny who was looking after him for us, then we headed to the Yarra Valley to the Balgownie Estate for our night away. We did some wine tasting, brought a bottle of cuvee and split it in our spa bath overlooking the valley. We had a nanna nap. Got showered and dressed for dinner, then split a bottle of red over the meal. The most alcohol we’d drunk in ages. We talked, planned, ate, walked, talked some more and generally unwound. The 24 hours we had out our normal life was not long, but enough.

But I have to: stop, breathe, walk, run, talk with my husband, be with my son, relax and unwind, read. The past two weeks have taught me a lot. Tomorrow I’m taking my niece to see the soon-to-close Jean Paul Gaultier exhibition at the National Gallery. I wanted to go again as soon as I’d walked out of it and she’s very theatrical and dramatic, so for her to see clothes like that up close and personal will be an experience I hope she won’t forget. It’ll be our first Auntie Niece outing, our first of many.




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