I love lazing around on a beach – but I can’t remember the last time I did it properly; I think it was when I was pregnant with Peanut. We visited the Out-laws over Easter and ANZAC day, went to Noosa Beach for the day, which doesn’t really count. My last beach holiday was Morocco for a week in October 2006, a longer one would be Cuba for two weeks in 2003 (?), endless summer days burning my feet on the pebbles of my home-town beach until I moved on in 2000.
I honestly do not know when I am next likely to lay rotisserie chicken style on a lounger, wading through a stack of books, dozing, laying on my back in the warm sea, ears full of water, looking at the sky. With a chaotic three and a half year old, it won’t ever be relaxing break on holiday, for a while at least. If I’m lucky, I’ll get the odd day here and there, but I fear a whole two weeks lounging around doing SFA will be a few years off.
I’m writing this listening to a Big Bash Twenty20 match, Jacques Kallis (be still my heart), Mike Hussey, Daniel Vettori and Andrew Flintoff are currently batting and bowling respectively. Aside from reaffirming what I’ve said for years, that playing T20 matches is no a young-mans game, you need a solid cricket career to play well in the shortened game – it really good cricket with sixes flying around all over the place. AND it is really good to see Flintoff bowling again after stuffing his knee so comprehensively a few year ago.
Ah, knees. I’ve been given the go-ahead to start exercising again. Albeit slowly and with lots of strengthening exercises, and (gloom) lots of swimming on the horizon. I say gloom, as when you’ve swum for as long as I have it’s really sodding difficult summoning any enthusiasm for yet again plodding up and down. I’m going back to basics with the running, starting Bikram again in the new year.
The hammock on our deck I can see out the window, but the last time I sat in it, I got eaten alive by mozzies. Finding time to sit down, to stop, is nigh on impossible. My mind doesn’t shut off easily, so I need to sit down with a book or catch up on a recorded program, but then I’m usually folding washing. Bikram is a 90 minute meditation, your brain really does not have room to stuff about, you have to concentrate on each pose. Running? I leave so much baggage behind me, it surprises me I don’t fall over any suitcases when I circle back and complete my route.
My mind is full of so many things I’ve wanted to do, am yet to do, am trying to do, I’m still listening to my Poirot with his luxurious moustaches each night. I keep a notepad by my bed to scribble on, lest I wake up and think ‘I’ll remember that in the morning’ – as you don’t.
2014 was a hell of a year, I took myself off FB for a few days last week, took apps off my phone. Am putting my phone down more, trying to be here now with the lead up to Christmas, and then today, I read Ruby Wax’s blog on a news site.
My heart broke, not just for someone I respect and care about, but also in recognition. I want to stand up and yell ‘Comrade!’ Finding your tribe, your coven, your crew, the people who love you no matter what, is so bluddy hard when your mind pulls your head down to look at your feet as you walk. You do not see daylight, some times you don’t see outside your house, your bedroom, even the inside of your shower for days at a time. All you do is manage to breathe, but then; the voice in your head sometimes is asking you, do you really want to even do that?
Wherever you are, whatever you do this week – please reach out to someone. You will know who they are, they’re the person who will smile brightly, but not quite meet your eyes. Or the person who stands on the edge, not always leaning in, stays the minimum amount of time, then leaves. Or the person who overshares on social media <– *cough* Or the person who you know struggles, just check on them to see if they're doing ok. Check, don't check-in or dial it in, check.
Let someone know, that when you are asking how someone is, you're a supportive hammock over the next two weeks, be someone that they can lean on when they need to.