Carole has a wonderful topic for me this week. Ten things you didn’t used to worry about ten, fifteen or twenty years ago. Corrie ten Boom’s quote is sitting on my phone, on my desk looking at me.
Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength
Since I saw that in someone’s kitchen not long after my first marriage failed, it resonated loud and clear. Some days are easier to not worry than others, and I am so much better than I was before, but goodness me, I can become a worry-wart. So here goes:
- Peanut – I never had a child to be concerned over before June 2011. He’s a boy, he’s going to be covered in bruises, but I still feel my heart leap into my throat when he does rambunctious boy stuff. His spoonerisms and malaprops are a never ending source of joy at the moment; yesterday he had a trumpet instead of a crumpet as part of his breakfast, he wears a dragon gown over his PJs and after watching Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, requested burger-cheese. There are too many to list, but every day he makes me laugh much more than I worry, so that’s a good thing.
- My family – as in, my little family. Hubs, Peanut and I. We’re on the verge of getting a new car through a novated lease at work. I’m trying to get Out On A Limb up and running, I’m trying to make changes in my life to take us through to the next stage, which is Peanut heading to school. There is a lot for me to think about and not a lot of time left for me to be working from home.
- Living in Australia – this is something I didn’t have to worry about at all before 2008. It wasn’t even on my horizon, as the thought of emigrating was not something I’d considered until I married Hubs. If I have to get back to the UK in a hurry, I know I’ll be stressed and upset, but as my brother reminded me, ‘We’ll sort that out when we need to, not before.’
- Gluten – while I’ve been (mostly) gluten free for fifteen (?) years, it wasn’t until a few years ago I was officially diagnosed as being coeliac. Since then, since I don’t have any gluten in my diet, the merest trace of it can set off an auto-immune reaction leaving me vomiting, running to the bathroom and aching all over for days afterwards. Separate toasters, separate butter, reading labels all the way to the bottom on food packaging and phoning ahead to restaurants are now normal. But still a pain in the butt (pun intended). It’s not just for the inconvenience, the diagnosis increases my chances of bowel cancer, so I need to be vigilant.
- Sleeping – My mum had to wake me up to feed me as a baby, I used to be able to sleep on a clothes line. Since my first marriage broke-up, one of the fall outs that I’ve learned to live with is not being able to get to sleep very easily. I listen to audiobooks still to drop off to. This is something that only doesn’t happen when I’m bone tired and fall into bed, hence the exercising I do to assist that.
- Running – A recent convert, I love it. I love the feel of my body afterwards, I love that it is something I can do just by pulling on a pair of shoes, and I’m off. I love that I can take Peanut with me in the running buggy, but most weekends I whizz off and head out on my own. I’m slowly getting faster, slowly increasing my distance. I worry that I won’t be able to fit it into my diary. Funnily enough, I do not worry about what I look like after hearing that most people driving past never look at runners, unless they run themselves – because they want to be out there.
- Politics – I’ve been a staunch labour supporter since I can remember. Growing up in the Margaret Thatcher era of rape and pillage, shutting industry down, privatising everything, reducing resource and welfare programs, while taking employment opportunities away – I find it difficult to get on board conservative policies. Particularly since a large majority of conservative politicians in the UK government are privately wealthy and have no concept of do I heat my house, or feed my children? Then we get to the misogyny and sexism that appears to be rife, let alone the homophobia, racism and elitism, I could go on for hours. But lately, the head-stuck-in-the-sand attitude about climate change this Australian Government holds is really pissing me off. Antarctica may have lost so much ice, gravity could be affected. The world is literally tilting and they’re still approving mines.
- Facebook – I’m so over this sodding website, I can’t tell you. Yet people berate and moan at me for not being on there and ‘liking’ and commenting on people’s statuses. I miss picking up the phone and calling people. So I brought myself a new phone, it’s clearer to speak on and hear than the one we had, it doesn’t have an answer phone, I’m retrofitting myself and calling soon.
- Sitting down all day – this is giving me cause to creak and groan when I get out of bed each morning, it’s shortening my hip-flexors and making me fat. Being younger and running around all day is much better for you than sitting at a desk all day long, let alone sitting at a desk all day long, then sitting in front of the TV all night.
- My hair – this is a surprising entry right? Well, not for me it isn’t. I struggle with my hair a lot, when I find a good hairdresser, I hang on to them. My hair has lots of cowlicks, kinks and needs a damn good cut to control it. My beloved Ange has closed her salon and now is working with Sam on their wholesale scissor business. While I’m pleased for them, I have now to find another hairdresser. Talk about first world problems. On Sunday when Hubs and I went to the MCG for their Open Day, we took a couple of pictures of me. Yes, I was ‘on’, yes I was feeling puffy from water retention, tired and worn out from my cycle which is getting harder again. But looking at my hair depressed me. How sad is that? That my hair was annoying me, was frustrating me, so I shaved it off.
I shaved it off or the first time earlier this year, I used to joke about being braver and shaving it off. When you’ve done anything once, that thing holds no fear, has no worry. I’m now putting up with the double-takes and funny looks again as I walk out and about, my colleagues rubbing my head like I’m a good luck charm or a Buddha. I’m also loving the 30 second showers. It will grow back, hair does that. I’ll work out what to do with it then.
At my Bikram class on Monday, Sarah the studio owner did a double take and said ‘I knew it was you Maddie by your big, beautiful smile’. That made my day.