Not the aspirational kind; the subconscious, wide-ranging, what the heck? overnight kind.
Last night I didn’t sleep particularly well. A combination of two cats and one toddler who appeared early in the morning next to me; I was left hanging onto the edge of the bed, while having my hair licked, by a cat, not a toddler. Between Peanut and Chief Brody I had about enough pillow to lay the top corner of my cheek bone on. Doctor Hooper was curled up in the crook of my knees, every time I moved he made puddings in my legs, he’s still a kitten – his claws are like needles.
When I did sleep, I was plagued by ex-boyfriends and the ex-husband. Always nice for them to visit me, not. In my dreams I alternated between trying to run away from them, to being jealous about why they were able to make their relationships work with their new partners, when we couldn’t make it work together. Never mind that looking back at said exes, they were eejits and I am better off without them, being reminded of a life I had laid to rest, left me rattled on waking.
I had nice scenery though, I was in rain forests, with black fertile soil, lots of tall trees and hills to walk on. Sometimes as part of a guided group, but the dream moved easily from the forests to towns and back again. What a mess.
I used to try to analyse my dreams, and my handwriting, I used read my star sign, putting faith in hocus pocus, pinning hopes on the never-never. Then my world fell apart (the ex-husband), with nothing left but my gut feeling to guide me; I listened to my intuition, to my faith in me. I found I was stronger than I knew. I found that when you take five steps in the wrong direction, yes you may need to go backwards, but sometimes you can go sideways instead.
There is no right or wrong path, we can only do the best we can with the day that we have. I know stress in my life comes when I try to look too far backwards, or I worry about what maybe/could happen in future, instead of being here now, not in the never-never. Thinking back on my dreams last night and thinking about the people that showed up in them, I’m so very glad I’m here. Not back there, no matter how nice the scenery was.