Yesterday was a difficult day. I remember watching a documentary on a children’s hospital, where a doctor bluntly said ‘You’ve not had a bad day until you’ve had to tell someone their child has died.’ It was a stark reminder that my life is actually pretty easy going, when my life feels like it overwhelming me, which it does, I do try to remember that. But I only remembered it just now, not when I really needed it, which was near enough all day in the office yesterday.
I move paper around for a living, I help organise people, their lives, their houses in my spare time; soon I will stop moving paper around in an office and do OOAL full time. Need some more clients though! In the grand scheme of things, it is a small life. But it is my life. Yesterday was hard because I was worried about a situation at work, called someone out on it, then got hauled over the coals for doing the right thing. I don’t like watching someone bullying others, or gunning for someone in particular, and this is what was happening.
The person concerned simply doesn’t get it; does not have the emotional intelligence to not say something stupid in the open office or in an open forum. Luckily, he’s making himself look ridiculous, but yesterday it was too much.
I spoke to one of the managers, who kindly took me out for a coffee; my girlfriends at work cheered me on and cheered me up through the day. I was grateful that before the run on Sunday, I’d had the foresight to book an osteopath for Tuesday night, thinking it would help me recover quicker. As the day wore on, the hour long appointment shone in front of me like a beacon.
Giving my osteo an update on where I was at, what I’d been up to, I confessed I may well start crying as she treated me. Explaining I’d had a hard day, was feeling stressed and expected that as knots were ironed out of me, I’d struggle with the release. For 45 minutes, we chatted, she manipulated my joints and massaged my muscles. It was lovely, but no tears. Which surprised me.
Then laying on my back, she started on my jaw. Within seconds of her pressing into the joint, the tears started to flow. Soon I was sobbing, straight to the ugly cry. Jo gently asked me if I wanted her to stop. I shook my head no, I knew it had to come out, I didn’t want to carry it around with me any longer. Left side of my face, then my right, then both together, we worked together on freeing the joint that had evidently been clenched firmly shut in frustration.
As I lay there, my mind went blank, the tears were flowing, the tension ran down my arms and out my body. It was a hard session, but where I traditionally carry my stress across my back and shoulder blades, this was new. Always speak the truth, even if your voice shakes. My voice yesterday was not strong, I was accused of bias towards a staff member. But I knew it was the truth, and yet the blame shifting and hubris of this person will not let him back down and admit to making a mistake.
I’m grateful to work where I do, it has given our family back some much needed time in the day from when I worked in the city and had a commute of about an hour, there and back. I’ve made good friends here, our network of people has expanded too, (indeed we’ve just taken delivery of a set of golf clubs, a dining suite and chair for the office from a lady I worked with who’s sold her house to sail on a boat in her retirement). I’m grateful that I have a window seat and can take a few seconds to peep at the gum trees when I need sustenance. I’m grateful for so many things, but yesterday an understanding osteo who can read my body like a book and ease my pain was the biggest thing I was grateful for.
I wasn’t going to run again until the weekend, but tomorrow lunchtime, I’m going out again. Jo said I’d pulled up ok, that my body is fit and strong, using that as my base, I want to keep my mind fit and strong too. I think I’m going to need it.