Anyone could write an episode of this God-awful ‘comedy’ I have to wake up to on Tuesday mornings, see:

Captain Mainwaring: Be arrogant, bluff, stupid and ride rough-shod over any sensible suggestion. Say “Stupid Boy” repeatedly.

Lance Corporal Jones: Run around screaming “Don’t Panic!” get underfoot and generally be the most annoying character in British televisual history.

Sergeant Wise: Question every decision, because you are the only sane, rational man in the programme.

Private Pike: Cut your apron strings at some point, please. Either that or stop being such a scaredy cat.

Repeat, ad nauseum, with occasional interjections from ARP Wardens.

et voila.