Goodness me – the perils of daytime television

I couldn’t help it your honour, I got sucked in.  I only sat down to catch up on Gavin & Stacey (he’s just found out she’s been engaged 5 times before him) I watched one Oprah, then another and before I knew it… I found myself watching Channel 7, which unless the football is on, is normally NEVER on in this house as it is so shite, I was watching Extreme Skinny Celebrity Mums from the Living Channel in the UK.  Which as you can see by my recent tweets, was heavily ‘researched’ by using the Daily Mail, the absolute pinnacle of journalism (read BS) over there.

Apparently, like, ‘slebs in Hollywood have hired wet nurses, but it’s like, really top secret.  They don’t want to eat the calories they need to like, feed their children, because they need to be really, really skinny, so there’s this like, super-secret agency.  And apparently, Liz Hurley gives diet advice, and like, Cate Blanchette is choosing between, like, clothes and her children.  Then Vanessa Feltz got in on the action, telling us that when you have a caeserian section, everyone famous is, like, having tummy tucks AT THE SAME TIME!  Then they started in on Anna Friel apparently using the suction diving suit and Heidi Klum being on the catwalk in seven weeks in a bikini.  Then my brain, like, atrophied and slid out my ear.

It is all our fault apparently, because it’s, like, the public, right?  As we buy the magazines, so we are, like, directly responsible for Victoria Beckham being skinny.  Sorry VB, I didn’t realise.  In fact, I realised years ago if you buy them, you only fan the flames, so I refuse to buy magazines that have pap shots in them.  I don’t even flick through them while waiting at the supermarket, or at the hairdressers.  The last time I looked at one, was over a year ago.  I was working at Hoban and read an ancient Grazia on my lunchbreak.  I’d finished my book, it was piddling it down with rain and I only had 5 minutes left, so flicked through it.  It was full of complete and utter BS.  Sources telling us, an insider says.  The only problem was, the six month time lapse showed that the majority of stories were completely fabricated, just made up around photos that had landed on someones desk, and they needed something to go with them.  But people believe them, people (girls mainly) sit on public transport over here discussing Now and OK and other glossy shite, like it is the National Geographic. 

Solange Knowles, Beyonce’s sister, cut all her hair off, when the pap photo was published, she was the 3rd trending topic on Twitter, so she hopped on and told everyone off, berating the USA for putting her haircut, yes a haircut, over the Iran Elections.  Then she told them all to find Iran on a map for good measure.  You go girl!  Admittedly I found this out when I watched Oprah, but Solange has a point.  One of things I love doing is reading the FAQs on IMDB.  Talk about dumb people.  Take this shining example on ‘The Shawshank Redemption’: Why did the warden kill…?  Or this one from ‘Hot Fuzz’: On whose grave did they put flowers at the end of the movie?  Sometimes I wonder if they watch the same film, or do they need a set of Cliffs Notes to get them through, because God help them that they follow a plot for a whole 2 hours!  I am sick and tired of shitty programmes being constantly interrupted by adverts, documentaries that tell you to stay tuned because this is coming up, cutting to a break, then recapping what’s just happened, because moronic people can’t retain a thought in their heads while McDonalds advertise salads and The Biggest Loser is trailed.

Anyway, I am supposed to be working from home today.  So I am showered, but not powdered and made up, I’ve brushed my hair, but I am in schlumpadinka trousers and a comfy t-shirt.  I am supposed to be tidying up loose ends before I leave.  But you know what, I will tidy them up tomorrow.  When I am going to get paid for tidying them up, as oppose to me doing them now, when I won’t.  Did I tell you they short-changed me by $900 for when I was out ill, by the eejit in bullying question starting my part-time hours at the beginning of the month, instead of when they actually started on the 15th March?  And that although they were quick enough to take it away, I will have to wait until the 21st April before it will be rectified?  Did I tell you that they left me with less than $600 for the month, because I had used up all my accrued holiday and personal leave?  So I had to take unpaid leave, with no discussion on how it will impact me?

And they wonder why I went looking for another job?  Take out the bullying and harassment, take out the piss-poor management of this situation, you do not mess around with people’s wages.  Period.  It is a shame I won’t be there when WorkSafe visit.  It is a shame I am leaving some good people behind me, I had a brief interview with one guy yesterday, seriously one of the nicest, funniest and cleverest people I’ve worked with.  He’s going to ask me back for a formal exit interview in a couple of weeks.  He told me to be clear on everything, as it is important they hear exactly why I am leaving.  Damn right.  It won’t save my job.  But it might save someone elses.

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