There aren’t many things in the week I actively look forward to. But today, I am so pleased it is Friday. I am so pleased this week is over and done with. I am so pleased I have a weekend to look forward to, with my hair finally getting cut tomorrow, the prospect of the afternoon on my own in the glorious city of Melbourne, and then catching up with a good friend on Sunday, again in the city.
I have promised myself to live this year listening to my body. Last night after a mare at work, and trying in vain to get to see Angela to wave her magic wand over my hair, and getting stuck on a train platform, then in traffic – I just cried. Cried and said to Dan, ‘I am fed up of struggling’ as soon as I said it, I felt better. As soon as I gave in and just wept the frustration, anger, annoyance and general niggles away I felt better.
I am not going to pretend that my life was all roses straight away, because it won’t be. I will always be working on me, I cried again when I got a text from a friend in the UK, I cried again this morning emailing my sister in law and no doubt there will be more tears in the future. I am fully aware that when I am this frustrated, my emotions are RIGHT THERE ready to go pop at a moments notice. I am doing my best to swallow them, I am doing my best to build myself up ready for the next week – as next week will be hard. Very hard, I could be out of a job on Monday. Always easier to get rid of the victim, than the bully. A nice prospect to have in the back of your mind, or in the front of it as may be. So that is why getting my hair cut, mooching about in the city, going for a coffee and some lunch, wandering around the National Gallery of Victoria and catching up on my people watching is so important. Which is why when I asked to put Amelie on DVD, Dan sat down next to we both gloried in the warm, rich tones, sumptuous writing, filming and editing and just the general silliness of the film. I also demolished the best part of a bottle of wine, but that is by the by.
I need time with myself to remind me of who I am. At my core, what no-one can take away from me, and where the root of me and the strength that gets me through life comes from. When you are continually bashed and battered, that is the bit that retreats the furthest, to protect you. However, I know that when she comes out, she is invincible.
Strength and Joy, will get me through.