I am typing this on Dan’s lap top as mine has gone to visit Renee’s Dad for an MOT. My sound card went phut, but also despite me taking off nearly all my photos, music and documents still was slower than me at running. So methinks it is unhappy. Hopefully we can get it sorted out, as we don’t have the money to buy me a new one. This is all because I looked at the teeny-tiny new Apple lap top and said ‘That is what I want when mine dies’. Just like when you book a hair cut, the hair fairy visits and you can’t do anything with it any more. I am trying to grow mine out for the wedding, either so I can have long hair, or lots of hair for Sue to do something with it, it was last cut at the beginning of January, and I am under strict instructions not to see her until March. For someone who is used to getting a cut every 5-6 weeks, it is teaching me patience if nothing else!
Talking of being taught patience, ever lost a job because you have been too good? I did this week, while I was looking for something else and wanted to leave – I guess someone else had other plans for me. This suits me, as it was all I could do to go there daily and I spent most of Thursday in tears of frustration. While at my Quaker meeting this morning, I saw my hands moving forward to give something, so I am off up to the Red Cross tomorrow as Cate says while the Quakers aren’t directly involved in the fire relief at the moment, they are supporting the Red Cross’ effort. I am not going to dwell on the whys and wherefores of losing my job, I sent people an email to let them know not to email me at work and told them why then, so I have said my piece. I am letting my life carry me for a bit, so I can find the right thing for me to do, not take the wrong thing like I did last time. People really should listen to their gut more, if I had on this job, I wouldn’t have started working there.
Dan is off playing cricket today, I did think about going with him to read the papers by the pitch, but I changed my mind today. I wanted to get the ironing done, he has also requested a roast dinner, and I want to try and find the desk/sort the paperwork out. Our little routine that was working at the beginning of the year was going so well till it got to be 45degrees inside. Then all the housework went out the window as it was too hot to think, let alone hoover. I am aiming for a clean slate, so I can start Monday off with a neat and tidy house ready to apply for the jobs I have starred in the paper.
I look at the books on my shelves, and chuckle at the Oprah shows I have been watching over the past couple of days (I had about 12-15 to catch up on). Life lets you know when things aren’t going right: it will whisper in your ear, it will throw a stone at your window, if you are still not getting it, it will throw a brick at your head. I have just received a brick. Not so much from losing my job, but the programmes I watched last March in the UK that introduced me to Eckhart Tolle have been in some of the programmes shown on Channel 10 in the past month; the notes I took, the books I read, the Quaker meetings I go to, the 101 little things that are adding up to me finding the right path for my life were always there. Every book I have read in study this past 12 months has been saying the same thing, and most of the time I have been nodding sagely and while I thought I was listening, I wasn’t, I was ignoring it for the most part. I was so intent on getting to Australia, getting a job, getting a house, that Dan and I both took the first jobs we were offered, and he moved into the first flat he found. And each time we should have stopped, waited and listened. Dan’s job is slowly coming good, as they realise how great he is, although there is haggling going on over his university fees, he’s been told they want him for corporate, this has been 7 long months though. My job was just a job, because that is what I thought I needed, so that is what I got.
I am taking this coming time to carry on what I started on New Years Eve when I stuck 6 pieces of A4 paper together and contemplated where I was, and where I need to go ow. I always said that I needed to get out to Melbourne, then I could sort my life out. So that is what I am going to do. This afternoon, I am going to carry on cleaning the flat, which always clears my head, but before I do that, I am off out for a walk while a chicken cooks slowly in the oven. I go with a key, some water and my thoughts. No iPod, just me. I will keep you posted on how I am doing, and what I find. But I would like to leave you with a link that Renee sent me, it is truly amazing, so please take 1 minute and 44 seconds out your day and watch this: