I spend over seven hours of each day at work. I am used to not knowing where those seven hours go, but here I am fully aware of every single minute. Trying to remember to be fully present, and that boredom is a state of mind, if I recognize that each moment is a joy and should be treated as such, in theory I should not get bored. Easier said than done, I am trying so hard to stay present, to listen to the noises around me and so on, but it is so hard. I have money coming in, I have my first role on my Australian CV, but I wish I had never taken it, I wish I had held out and met them again, I wish.
I know that me banging on about how bored I am is not making for an interesting blog, and I apologise to you. But I can’t do anything other than sit at my desk and try to look busy, which when you have nothing to do, except the odd little job which takes me maybe 5 minutes to complete, it is nigh on impossible. I have a review on Thursday, all seven minutes worth of it, so I will approach the subject then, but why oh why do I do these things to myself?
Dan has decided that he no longer wants to play at Ormond CC, it was decided in one easy evening on Thursday last week when Simon the captain of the First XI and coach told Dan to f*** off in front of the whole club. Dan was in the nets and seeing a space, a batsman waiting, picked up a ball and proceeded to bowl to him, Simon yelled across Dan, not to him but to someone else and said ‘He is not bowling’. Dan thought ‘Sod this’ and turned around to leave, Simon called him a ‘Soft cock’, Dan replied ‘I’d rather be a soft cock than your cock’ and carried on walking, to which f*** off was yelled at him. Nice. The Chairman of the club caught up with Dan just before the changing rooms, Dan asked for a public apology, not an unreasonable request considering. Surprise, surprise this hasn’t been forthcoming, I emailed Geoff asking when he was going to take responsibility for Simon’s actions as I was sick of the preaching attitude of him, especially since THE SPIRIT OF THE GAME COMES FROM THE CAPTAINS being bandied about in the club handbook. I have already blogged about how god-awful his behaviour is on the pitch, so this was the straw that broke the camels back. Geoff emailed back saying that he agreed with some points, not others in my email and told me that he told Dan that Dan and Simon needed to speak to ‘iron things out a bit’, it depended on who made the first move. Maybe it’s because I am English, maybe it is the way I was brought up, but I think if you have been told to f*** off in front of all your team mates by someone who is supposed to lead by example, it shouldn’t be Dan that makes the first move here. Especially as Simon hasn’t spoken more than two words directly to him since the season started, those two words being what he said on Thursday night. Geoff called last night when Dan was in bed, asking if Simon had rung, which he hadn’t. He would like to have someone mediate between the two of them, but as far as Dan is concerned, it is too little too late, so we went to speak to the guys at Wesley instead. Wesley is his old Alma Mater and they seem to not take it so seriously, but still enjoy the game.
All the boy wants to do is play bluddy cricket, it isn’t much to ask is it really? In some respects we have hit the ground running over here, in others it has been really difficult to get going, and all of you are all over there – so it makes it doubly hard for us. We are enjoying spending time with Lachy and Ney, building our relationship with them, Ross and Leonie both spoke to me last night and I had a good chat to them both, but at the end of the day it is Dan and I leaning on each other to get through the hard times, which although aren’t that big, or that many, while they are making us stronger, they are also making us a bit too reliant on each other. No one ever said it was going to be easy upping sticks and moving your life around the other side of the world, I am not that naive to expect it all to be plain sailing, but I have a strong CV behind me, I was turned down supporting the CEO of a Charity, in the one role I really wanted, because they thought I would get bored and here I am blogging at work to fill the time, and make it look like I am working on something.
Jim gave me a stern lecture last week, via email, about my sense of self being linked to my place of work, I am better than that, and considering all the work I have done in the past year to move myself on psychologically I know exactly what he means, and I hope that this funk passes soon. But, it is hard to stop my mind wandering, it is hard to keep upbeat about my new life when such a large chunk of it, I feel is being wasted. That I think is what I am truly annoyed/cross/frustrated about (delete as applicable), I am not giving my best here, they are not getting my best and hindsight is the perfect science. I will let you know how Thursday goes, but I don’t think 7 minutes will be long enough to talk over everything.
On a more positive note, I did join the gym and I am going tonight, so for the first time since I got here I am getting on that bike, I am climbing those hills in that interval training session and tomorrow or Thursday, it is gonna hurt. I can’t do weights or anything, I wore the wrong trainers to work today, so I will just do my cardio work and get myself moving. That will make me feel a whole lot better.