Strength and Joy.

I am sat at my desk, in my new job, bored out my box. To stave off eating biscuits or putting my head down on my desk and crying with frustration I picked up my bible, no not that Bible, but The Professional Secretary. Inside the front cover of this tattered, torn, rumpled and patched up with sellotape, well loved book is a little sticker: Strength and Joy.

Those two words say so much about me, I had to find two words to describe myself when I was preparing for a long and difficult course that was going to take a lot of time and effort to complete. Working on the train to and from the office, carting text books, folders of paperwork and my laptop across London didn’t do my back any favours, but I worked hard and passed with flying colours.

Strength and Joy. Having asked a few trusted friends on how best to describe me, apart from daft, these words kept coming up. How strong I was to get through my separation and divorce, how strong I was to take on a role I wasn’t really ready for, but my boss taking a chance on me, how strong I was to think about emigrating to Melbourne after I had spent 3 long years fighting to get my life settled, I was ready to up heave the whole thing all over again.

How much fun I am to be around, with my loud laugh, my silly facial expressions and voices, the jokes I tell, laughing before I get to the punch line, how I fall over nothing, walk into everything, that I can’t remember birthdays, but can juggle umpteen diaries, how my whole life I have struggled to get anywhere, but that I still have a grin on my face.

So why do I feel so dejected today, this week, this month. Because I made a bad decision on a role, I didn’t trust my instincts because we needed me to get ‘a job’. So that is what I got. For all the other studying about living for now, trusting my gut and yes, the laws of attraction, but not The Secret, I should have realized that by demanding I get a job to get money coming in, I didn’t take or hold out for the right job for me instead. So now I am here, I need to fix it, I need to find me a better job, one that is worthy of me and my skills. Not one that prompts me to try and find boredom in my bible. Because a proper, true PA shouldn’t ever be bored, shouldn’t be scrabbling around for things to do, I am going to need all my strength to get through the next few weeks or months as I battle not to create merry hell at work through boredom. I know that twiddling my thumbs and idle brains and Maddie do not mix.

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