I have a confession

I haven’t been either productive, taking care of myself or really interested in what has been happening around me over the past week.

I have applied for umpteen jobs over here, the two that I really wanted Library and BreastScreen, I was rejected from. To be a bog-standard PA at the Library, I didn’t fulfil the selection critrea, to support the CEO of BreastScreen I was too qualified! Go figure. The latter have at least recommended me for another role, but they haven’t been in contact with me yet. I am also waiting to hear from the company I had my second round interview with last week. They were meeting two other candidates yesterday, and I was told that it would be a close run thing as I stood a very good chance. Guess what, there is no message on the answer machine (I’ve been out for a walk – more on that later) and no sign of an email yet.

At the very least it left me demoralised, but I have been sat around feeling sorry for myself for a good few days, until this morning when I woke up feeling like the wait of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. However, we ate pizza last night, and apart from what it has been doing to my insides, with IBS it’s one or the other, I felt really sluggish as I charged round my just over 5km route just now. I also went back to bed for a snooze this morning, which isn’t something I normally do, but I felt tired to my bones. Probably as a result of eating wheat, which I haven’t had for ages.

Because we now have broadband, I have been busy over the past 12 hours in updating my podcasts, iTunes (yet another update) and audiobooks. Instead of walking without my iPod, I listened to an Eckhart Tolle recording, and realised how much I had been letting my head do the thinking for me. That sounds odd when all I have been working on for the past year is remaining present in the here and now, but when I have really needed it over the past few weeks, I had been stressing about not getting a job, not contributing to the relationship and so on. So it gave me the kick up the bum I hoped it would do. I am downloading so much stuff, I haven’t really had access to broadband since the end of June, my computer is chugging away like mad under my fingers. However, that does mean I have 4 months of listening and watching to catch up on – which could be interesting as I don’t have a hefty commute to fill any more.

My boxes and picture will be delivered on Tuesday, so I will have some more unpacking to do, and will also get some more clothes to wear, hurrah. I will also be unpacking ‘My Best Life’ paperwork, which was hard enough to pack away, let alone live without for 3 months: Eckhart Tolle’s books and other workbooks, notes I’ve made, my inspiration book, it will be great to see it again and add to it with what I have found since my arrival over here.

I am trying to be constructive every day, just the last few days I have had a little wibble and lost my way a bit. So with that thought, I am off to put on my pilates DVD and tidy up after Hurricane DG, who came in last night and created havoc in the living room. Yes he should tidy it up I know, and normally he does, but we are off to see ‘Burn After Reading’ tonight and having dinner out – a Hot Date, then we have cricket all day tomorrow. I will be taking my iPod, a notebook and an open mind.


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