I’ve had another ‘moment’. I was in the middle of Chadstone, which is a shopping mall about 5 minutes drive away from where we are living. It also the largest mall in the Southern Hemisphere, 440+ stores – it is massive, I had to pick up a map to find my way out again. I parked near Borders, which is over 3 floors, as I knew I would be going in there, and wandered through to David Jones (John Lewis eqv) we subscribed to the paper ‘The Age‘ and got a $100 gift card. I brought some kitchen ware, Dan is keeping a strict eye on my kitchen gadget/tea towel spending, as those of you who know me, know I love hardware and haberdashery stores!
All my life I have not wanted to live in Eastbourne, I thought marrying that eejit and moving away to Wiltshire and it’s surroundings was where I was destined to go, and it was – then. But not permanently. I believe that life gives you what you need to learn when you need to learn it, I can’t say that the last year and a bit of my marriage was fun, the separation was hell, but it was obviously my wake-up call. I was worried about my marriage failing for so long, was it any wonder that it did? Did I try hard enough to save it or did I want to save it? Who knows, my memories of that time, as it was so awful, are a blur, one that I don’t want un-fogged thank you very much. But I know that I am stronger because of everything that has happened to me over the past 3 years. My life is so different now, so much better, that I had to go through the shitty black hole that was Halloween, so I could be sat here typing to you – in Melbourne.
When you think that I had to have 7 addresses in 5 years, work in dead end jobs all over the South of England following his career around, that Dan had to move to the UK, then move in the UK, then travel through Africa and Europe, we both had to be on Yahoo Personals at the same time. It is amazing we ever met at all really, and when you see us together, it was like we were made for each other. I don’t know how I wished him into my life, I know I wished for a different life.
If you are one of the people that believes that you get what you ask for, then maybe me getting knocked back from the jobs that I have been applying for is also telling me something. The flat in the UK will sell when it is meant to sell, my friends that want to keep in touch with me will be the ones that keep in touch with me, and they will also understand if I do round robin emails while we wait for our internet access to come online. They will also be the ones to understand that I will carry on sending round robin emails so that I don’t spend all my time communicating with people in the UK, but that we will talk when we can, so that I don’t miss what this wonderful country has to offer me.
I sit here with the desk all set up, my books, pens, files and pictures around me. With my eyes open, I will find my next path. With them closed and looking backwards to what I have left behind, I won’t see it. I’ll keep working hard, I need to get writing, I need to sit down and do what everyone has been telling me to do for so long.